


The Mistletoe Principle

by colazitron



Series: Fic Advent 2014 [4]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 04:11:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2718335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil end up under a mistletoe and a little boy questions why they're not kissing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mistletoe Principle

"You know you don't have to get coffee, right?" Phil asked, earnest as always. It took a special kind of person to put up with all of Dan's ridiculousness _earnestly_. Dan knew this, because so far Phil was the only one to do it consistently and voluntarily. Dan's family didn't count. One, they were sort of biologically obligated to do so (even though biological obligation of course has never stopped anyone from being a shit parent or sibling, so probably Dan should count them anyway - out of respect for anyone who did not have what he had, since his family loved him and he them) and two, well, they were at least almost as sarcastic as him and understood his existential crises on a slightly more fundamental level than Phil did. Not that Phil was an idiot, far from it, but his seemingly boundless optimism and pragmatic view of the world meant that he wasn't quite as plagued by the existence of evil in the world and what that meant for the human condition as such, the existence of a possible God or even his own existence in particular. Phil would rather get on with it and help people. 

A far better approach, Dan usually thought. Or at least one that led to more immediate results. 

But it also meant that Phil simply didn't _get_ Dan's Coffee Conundrum. 

"It's the _principle of the thing_ , Phil," said, getting into the queue just inside the coffeeshop's door with Phil and reaching up to loosen his scarf. Why shops and cafés insisted on heating to tropical degrees in the winter was a mystery to him. 

"It always is, with you, isn't it," Phil said, smile far more indulgent this time. 

Dan was not blushing. That was the heat inside the coffeeshop. Or remnants from the cold _outside_. Definitely not a blush. If you could blow up an inflatable dinosaur without blushing on live camera, then you could take a mildly indulgent statement from your best friend without blushing. 

Dan ignored him and perused the menu mounted to the wall behind the counter instead. 

"Just get a hot chocolate or a tea," Phil said. 

"No. I want coffee," Dan said. Teas and chocolates never came in flavours like _cinnamon caramel_. Where else was he going to get his white girl indulgences if not from ridiculous coffee drinks? 

"Well, they're not gonna put six shots of espresso in it unless you _order it that way_ ," Phil said. 

The door behind them opened, letting in a gust of cold air. Dan shivered and automatically turned around, smiling at the young mother as she ushered her little son inside, and turned back to the counter. That wasn't too awkward, right? People smiled at cute kids all the time. Or was that creepy all the time? Were mothers secretly constantly terrified? 

"But what if my body has been permanently altered from the caffeine shock and now I can't have coffee at all?" he asked, stepping back into their conversation. Phil snorted amusedly, already counting change in his wallet. 

"I doubt you've got secret coffee mutant abilities." 

"You don't know that," Dan mumbled. "Maybe I'll stay awake forever now." 

"You mean more than you already do?" 

"Hey, I sleep!" 

"Yeah, but not when normal people do," Phil grinned and stepped up to the counter to order his hot chocolate with whipped cream and mint syrup. Because Phil actually _liked_ the combination of mint and chocolate. Seriously. What a weirdo. 

"And for you, sir?" The barista asked. 

"Um, I'll have the, er, cinnamon caramel latte. Also to go, please." 

The barista nodded and went to work and Dan awkwardly shuffled to the side. This wasn't one of those big coffee shops that had a separate space for coffee pick-ups so you had to vaguely awkwardly wait by the register for someone to hand you your drink. 

"Can you imagine how boring that would be, though?" he turned to Phil to say. 

"What?" Phil asked. 

"The staying awake thing. Imagine you're the only one who _never_ sleeps. Don't you sleep like a third of your life? That means you'd just be alone for a third of your life." 

"You're alone for a third of your life anyway," Phil teased. Dan rolled his eyes, but accepted the truth in the statement for what it was. He didn't really flourish in settings that included other people. In the silence that fell, the young mother's order of a hot chocolate and a soy vanilla latte with a shot of orange sounded almost loud. 

Dan only noticed now that there wasn't any music playing. 

"Mummy?" the little boy asked, pulling at his mother's coat. She paid and then turned to him. 

"Yeah, darling?" 

"Can boys kiss other boys, mummy?" he asked. Dan felt his heart skip a beat and his eyes widen like a deer in headlights. Phil seemed to be suppressing a chuckle and waggled his eyebrows. 

"Um, yes? Of course. Why d'you ask?" 

"Well, those two boys are under a mistletoe but they're not kissing," he stage-whispered to his mother. Ah, children and volume control. Not two things that went hand in hand. 

Dan looked over at the mother and son then and caught the mother giving them an embarrassed grin. 

"Hot chocolate with mint?" they were interrupted by the barista then. 

"Mine," Phil said and grabbed for the drink. 

"I'm sorry about him," the young mother said to them and then turned to her son, "It's not our concern whether other people are kissing, Mikey." 

"But it's a _mistletoe_ ," the boy - Mikey, seemingly - said, as though they were violating the very laws of physics by standing underneath a mistletoe without being attached at the lips. Dan looked up at the offensive sprig of leaves and back down at the boy, not quite sure what to do. He didn't want to be the one to make this boy think boys kissing boys was something that didn't happen under mistletoes. Or anywhere else for that matter. 

"Cinnamon caramel latte?" the barista asked then. She had _exquisite_ timing, Dan had to give her that. 

"Yeah, that's me," he said and accepted the drink. Mikey was watching him with wide eyes, as if the answers to all the problems of the universe were going to be revealed under this sprig of mistletoe. 

Or maybe Dan was exaggerating. 

Still. Without really thinking about it, he reached back, grabbed Phil's jacket by the collar, twisted around and pressed their lips together in a brief peck. Phil, to his credit, didn't startle and pull back, but let the kiss come to a natural end a brief two seconds later. 

When Dan turned back, Mikey was grinning, even if his mother seemed to be stuck somewhere between disbelief and amusement. Shit. What if she had recognised them?! 

Phil waved at the little boy, said a cheery "bye now" and made for the exit, so Dan followed him stupidly, pulling his gloves back on while balancing his coffee and taking a sip from it when Phil turned to him on the street. 

"Um?" was all Phil asked though. Dan shrugged, cheeks going red with the cold. 

"It's the principle of the thing." 

**Author's Note:**

> If some of the lines of dialogue referenced things that had you go ??? I wrote this two days after [Dan's liveshow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp-okBib33o) back then, that's where the coffee thing and the inflatable dinosaur came from.


End file.
